Worst.Appointment.Ever.

04 May 2007
Posted by Mother Faerie @ Friday, May 04, 2007

I had to take Amaya and Hana to the eye dr appt this afternoon. I don't even think I can comprehend what happened still. Hana absolutely freaked out on me :( She remembered the bright picture machine and the air machine. She threw a temper tantrum that included screaming on the top of her lungs. She went into over stimulation mode so fast that I wasn't even ready for it. She's been able to control herself so well with these years of therapy that I totally didn't expect it from her :( I hadn't had to confine her in so long I forgot how and she managed to head butt me in the face and I've got a nice fat lip to prove it. She also managed to kick, bite, hit, pinch and all that 10 times over before I had her securely :*( It blew me away so much I was in tears, I had a receptionist screaming at me to take her to another room because she was upsetting other patients. I lost it and broke down and cried while trying to hold her while she's fighting, nearly strangling her the way she was wriggling so we could get to a private room.

She wouldn't even do the rest of the exams and they only managed to get a half look at her and then went with what they said last time. She can wait another year for glasses. She needs them now. I know she needs them now. Her regular doctor refused to see her like that and they sent in a lady doctor who was nice and all that, but it was an insult. She went through three different technicians trying to get her to calm down. Then they were telling me to reschedule and they didn't understand why I wouldn't do that. It would mean it's fresh in her mind and the tantrums would be ten times worse because she knew she got her way this time.

She managed to hit and scratch and kick the doctor. I've never been so embarrassed in my life. And I feel ashamed to feel that because I know it's not her fault. I know it's her aspergers making her obsess about the damn machines and freaking her out. Even with promising her that she didn't need to do the puff of air or the high flash picture, she wouldn't calm down :(

But what made this extra hard for me is that it absolutely freaked Amaya out and she would hardly do any of the tests either. I know one thing for sure they are never having a double eye appt like that again. So I have two kids who need glasses and that didn't get a prescription because they wouldn't calm down enough to get proper measurements. So they get to go another year of hell.

There's got to be an easier way to measure eye sight than the "adult" performances they expect them to do. They put glasses on infants, how do they measure them without them having to tell them pictures or letters?!

I was ready to scream for sedation for my child and that is so unlike me. I felt so weak and out of control and that totally broke me down. I sometimes think I have it under control and then something like this happens and I feel that I'm not cut out to do this. I know others feel this way with all aspects of parenting, but I just don't think I can handle this today.

Now I have to take Amaya to the school for her kindergarten screening. Thankgoodness Abe is home now. He had an interview earlier and I can't even comprehend enough to ask how it went.

::sigh:: :***(

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